Gary B. Lundberg Joy Saunders Lundberg
- Title: I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better
- Author: Gary B. Lundberg Joy Saunders Lundberg
- ISBN: 9780915029020
- Page: 137
- Format: Paperback
I Don t Have to Make Everything All Better makes two propositions First, you don t have to solve other people s problems And second, by appropriately validating feelings, you empower people to be their own problem solvers, which will significantly increase the quality of your relationships.The techniques of validation the Lundbergs share give people the space to solve thI Don t Have to Make Everything All Better makes two propositions First, you don t have to solve other people s problems And second, by appropriately validating feelings, you empower people to be their own problem solvers, which will significantly increase the quality of your relationships.The techniques of validation the Lundbergs share give people the space to solve their own problems while still feeling that someone cares In the first half of the book the Lundbergs discuss the principles behind validation, while the second half shows how these techniques can work to improve communication and relationships with children, teens, spouses, blended families, and even on the job.The authors anecdotal style and examples demonstrate validation in everyday situations and language that readers can easily master And the results can be miraculous Powerful practical suggestions on the how to s of building meaningful relationships Stephen R Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People This book has the power to improve all relationships I highly recommend it Dr Ronald Jorgensen, the Mayo Clinic
Recent Comments "I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better"
I don't read a lot of self-help books, but this one was calling out to me. And believe it or not, I think about the things it taught me all the time. Mostly it is about being a good listener. . . and that most of the time when people are coming to you with a problem, they don't want your help or advice, they want validation. Meaning you don't have to fix their problems, you just have to let them know that, yes, what they are going through really is tough and that you care about them. Brilliant a [...]
After reading some well-written and some not-so-well-written books about human psychology and interpersonal communication, this book was a breath of fresh air. Rather than trying to appeal to the audience with buzz words and 360-degree paradigm shifts, this book made sense on a practical level for all sorts of situations. The first part of the book is essentially about codependency without ever using that word. To summarize briefly, the book teaches how to respond to other people's problems in a [...]
This book is a life-changer. I read it in bits and pieces and have tried to digest it and make it a part of who I am and how I respond to people. It has already changed the way I treat my children. I have a really long way to goSomething is better than nothing, I guess.
Wow! This book just crossed my path for a moment, and I am so glad I took the time to read it. I am constantly feeling guilty either about not being able to help when I want to, or about being manipulated into helping when I don't want to help others solve their problems. And I know I need to work on being a better listener. This book addressed the issue of being a great listener, validating others, and keeping healthy boundaries in a respectful way. The first section of the book introduces the [...]
This is a fantastic book. I can't recommend it enough for "fixers" like me, who really do just want to make it all better. Practical advice that works to help heal relationships and to keep hurt feelings and misunderstandings at bay. I have begun to incorporate the principles espoused in this book and I can tell you they work beautifully. I believe reading this has saved my relationships with my daughters. I can't put it more strongly than that. Most times people want validation of their feeling [...]
This should be mandatory reading for every parent. Commonsense approach for learning to walk beside someone but not take on their issues. This is our 5th copy. We originally purchased this book in the late 1990's. We have given 4 copies away to friends and have had wonderful feedback. Just dealing with our adult children, we find we have to reread this to know how to support them emotionally but not solve their problems. Wish I had had this book while raising kids!!! Excellent! Truly a good read [...]
I am learning how to respond to husband, friends, family when they ask for advice that you don't do a put-down but instead a validation. It is okay to start out using the words: how, what, when, where, do and is, but do not use why.Then you ask them if they can think of an idea that would solve the problem. It even works on children.
IT's the love and logic book for adults and other relationships. I need to read again. -no advice, make people figure it out on their own-teaching moments come later, not in times when the emotions are high-empathy-ask questions to help them come to own solution.
I am re-reading this book, and will probably do so again and again, because I have so much to learn from it. It is an excellent read for anyone who wants to empower those they love, improve communication skills, and bring peace to relationships.
This was the most-influential book I read in 2017. (I usually finish a book in a week, but I labored over this one for a month.) This book taught me that I lacked many invaluable emotional/listening/change management skills, which I desperately needed in all my important relationships (e.g romantic, family, service, friends).Takeaways:1. I am not responsible for other people's problems. I am only responsible for my own.2. I cannot fix other people's problems for them even if I wanted to. Evidenc [...]
This book is almost 20 years old, slightly dated, and still relevant. I picked it up because I know I have a tendency to get caught up in others' problems, but I never realized how much I try to give advice when I should instead be listening and offering support. I'm not one of those people who sees others as slackers who want me to fix everything for them, but I do often want to give advice, which cuts short my attentive listening and can annoy whoever I'm talking to. This book gets a bit repet [...]
This book was a complete perspective-changer for me. It gave me tools to set boundaries that I have been wanting to set for a long time. For some it may be overly simple or not broad enough, but for me it came at just the right time (recommended from an amazing friend) and gave me just what I needed. Very clear examples of how to practice the principles that are taught.
This book has changed the way I communicate with my familyg! Must read for everyone!
I think the first half of this book (the discussion of the six principles) could have been condensed into one reference chapter. I almost didn't even finish the book because I was annoyed at the unnecessary stuff at the beginning, but my friend had told me how much she loved the second half, so I forged on. This book is all about validation--learning how to listen to people without jumping in with a judgment or a lecture or a solution to their problems. It aims at teaching the art of helping peo [...]
This was a very informative book that I think had some really great advice for dealing with people in general.The premise of the book is to help you move from being the "fixer" or "saver" of everyone's problems. Though I certainly don't feel myself as a "fixer" or "saver" there were some instances that I found myself trapped in. It was great to finally get some word lines to get myself out.According to the author, it's human nature to want to try to fix everything, but in actuality, most people [...]
This book has been so helpful and has application in many areas of life. For me, it has given me tools to be a more present and caring mother and wife. And I am confident that my new understanding will impact my interactions with all people for the better. This book teaches the principle of Validation. Validation allows you to walk emotionally with others without attempting to change their thinking. It's also realizing that we cannot make someone choose a path that we see as best. The words "sho [...]
Did not actually read this book, but I found the title irresistible and discovered a handy summary in the back. Woohoo!Notes:Validation is "the ability to walk emotionally with another person without trying to change his or her thinking or direction.""4 Rules of Validation:Listen (by giving your full attention)Listen (to the feelings being expressed)Listen (to the needs being expressed)Understand (by putting yourself in the other person's shoes as best you can)""The universal need of every human [...]
I love this book! It's one of the most helpful relationship books I have ever read. Just read it for the second time.
This book was a little hard to get into at first. Roughly the first twenty or so pages were rather slow and boring. After that it started to get better (much more innovative, thought provoking ideas). I really liked the basic ideas that were included here: that everyone wants to feel loved, that their feelings are important and they just want to be heard. That makes a difference with how I talk to others now (letting them talk, letting me listen more, ask better questions and validate their feel [...]
“Validation empowers others to more effectively solve their own problems.”5 Giving advice is the easy, common and unhealthy way of controlling people. It’s like telling them: “I don’t think you’re smart enough to figure this out, so let me just share my wisdom with you.” When I’m frustrated I just want someone to confirm that it’s okay to be frustrated and then the reassurance that I’m strong and smart enough to find and implement my own solution.When we make the assumption t [...]
This was a hard rating for me. I wanted to give it 3 stars because while the advice was good a lot of the examples were so stereotypical as to feel stifling. Teen girls were sassy. Teen boys were sullen. Men were clueless about what their wives did all day, etc. Not to mention that one passage that almost blamed women for being abused because they "finish their husband's sentences for them." The concept of people bottling emotions when interrupted could have been achieved without that statement. [...]
Good how-to book about the power of validation & good listening. I feel like if I mastered this skill, that Natalie would think I suddenly became the pinnacle of all husbands since the beginning of time. The best part of the book centers introspectively around why we react in certain ways to things people say. People wouldn't bring up problems unless they recognized my above-average problem solving skills and wanted my exceptional advice, right? Apparently women all over the world are bangin [...]
I spent several months reading this book, picking it up every now and then to read a chapter and the moving on to something else. It's really a quick read (if only I would have focused) and it's very useful information for anyone, especially those who struggle with relationship boundaries or needy/demanding/troubled family or friends. I plan to keep this in my personal library and refer back to it every now and then. It has already made a difference in the way I communicate and approach problems [...]
I LOVED this book!!! I. needed to read this book I was already familiar with this trap of trying to always fix people. The principles in this book are soo easy to apply and will improve any relationship. There are chapters on application from young children, teens, adult children, spouses, in laws and coworkers. I am constantly more aware now of my responses and reactions to others as a result. The interesting promise is that as you apply these principles in your own interactions with others the [...]
Great book. The advice they give for interpersonal relationships really resonated with me. My favorite thing about the book is that they teach one simple principle (validating another person's feelings), then they repeat the same advice over and over again. It was a very effective way to teach! The repetition came in the form of examples, with specific conversations and how it would sound: This is what validation sounds like when speaking to a colleague, this is what it sounds like with a child, [...]
I wish I were perfect and didn't have to be reminded that validation is such an important element of any relationship but I am not and I do. This book appealed to me when I saw it in Goodwill's book section but I didn't buy it. Afterwards, I kept thinking about it and decided to go back and see if it was still there. After an initial search, I became frantic because I couldn't find it among all the non-categorized books loading the shelves. I thought someone had bought it or moved it around and [...]
Like a lot of books in this genre, it has a good idea, but the idea doesn't need to be a book. So what we get is about a chapter or two of the basic concept of what validating is and how to do it, and that you are not responsible for solving other people's problems, and then 200 more pages in which they explain how to do it in a bunch of different scenarios. Spoiler alert: it's all basically the same. There's no real difference in how to validate friends rather than people at work, for example. [...]
This book provided a lot of good sense like validating people's feelings and not feeling responsible to or trying to fix people's problems. You can help steer them to their own solutions. One key to communication is to listen, listen, listen and understand. Obviously, we all need to be better listeners. It had some good helps to be patient and you can change the outcomes for situations by validating people's feelings rather than telling them yours. Also, we need to communicate our boundaries to [...]
WOW! This is seriously one of the best books I have ever read! As I started reading this book, I kept thinking that this is exactly what I need to be applying in my own life with my spouse and children especially. Everything was quite profound and powerful. I am so excited to start applying the principles learned immediately. This is a book that EVERYONE needs to read. We are all trying to solve everyone's problems, but what we really need to do is step back and listen and validate. What an eye [...]
This book has really great advice that applies to parenting, marriage, and literally all other kinds of relationships. It did a really great job of showing how you can help people with their problems without those problems becoming yours by empowering them. It shows the great importance of validation and how much impact it can have on your communication and relationships. The book is very reader friendly with a nice layout, and lots of specific and helpful examples. I would recommend this book t [...]
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